6:48 – Snooze my alarm for the 4th time and acknowledge that it’s do or die. If my obliques are going to get the talking to they so desperately need, I’m going to have to get up and go to pilates.
7:35 – Running late (as per usual) I throw together what is undoubtedly the frumpiest outfit I’ve worn to-date. I know NYFW was telling me to play with proportions but I’m still ironing out the kinks.
9:18 – The Starbucks line is long and unyielding but completely necessary after the aforementioned pilates class. Besides, this gives me some time to observe the girls who wobble into the coffee shop in their most professional looking 6in heels. It’s not even 10am yet ladies; pull yourself together.
11:57 – In an effort to break up the mid-day boredom, I channel my inner Zooey Deschanel/New Girl and bunny hop back to my seat from the kitchen. Why they don’t introduce me to more clients is beyond me.
2:10 – Launch into full on marketing campaign for the below orange gladiator sandals.
3:13 – Call my boss for the 4th time today to let him know that I’m bored. I know he enjoys these little chats of ours.
5:05 – Glance around to make sure no one is judging me as I put on my coat and walk to Chipotle… sheepishly avoiding eye contact with the teams I know are staying late.
5:20 – From Varick street, engage in an awkward conversation with my roommate as he leans out the window from his office on the 3rd floor. He’ll later tell me he contemplated dropping a water balloon on my head. We’re very close.
7:40 – Attempt to do an upside-down French manicure to little success. Instead of redoing it with just one color, I opt to add grey polka dots on top. Surely this will solve the problem.
9:34 – Begin my Day 4 sketch for my newest project where I draw one picture each day. This is proving to be more exciting – and infinitely more time consuming – than my previous venture.
10:53 – After 3 hours of tv watching I polish off the rest of the Haagen Dazs and crawl into bed, wondering what kind of achievements I’ll be able to recount for you tomorrow.
“I’m happy to use the word “brand,” but listen, I’m doing a lot of things: I’m doing a comic book, I’m writing for Treme, I’m making two television shows, publishing books. I do these things because they’re fun, and interesting, and because 12 years ago I had no opportunities to do anything. It bothers me when people say I’m “expanding the brand.” You expand the brand so you can land a Pepsi-Cola commercial. You haven’t seen me endorsing any products yet, though I am asked. I’m doing it ’cause it’s fun. What happens when things become not interesting? Then it’s a job. I had a job for years, I know what it’s like to show up every day and do the same thing the same way. I don’t know how Howie Mandel gets up in the morning. I don’t ever want to be that.”—
I sometimes forget that life is full of peaks and valleys of happiness; that it is not without its struggles. Part of what makes the highs so high is knowing what sadness feels like and knowing you’re not there. I do my best thinking in the valleys, my best writing; my best learning. I uncover characteristics of myself that I didn’t previously know were there, that make standing on the peaks of life even more fulfilling.
But that doesn’t mean the low points don’t hurt. I become solemn and melancholy; I withdraw into myself and feed the vicious cycle that is loneliness. Deciding there is no one to rely on but yourself does not make you a champion, it only increases the burden of everything around you, and it gets tiring. So much of my time in these low points is spent alone, wondering how I can ever let someone in when I feel so disappointed, wondering how anyone could ever let me in when they realize that I am a disappointment myself. Being prone to these bouts of sadness does not make me any more knowledgeable about getting through them though. It just seems to take time and patience, two things I’ve never really understood. I suppose all you can do is acknowledge your place in the journey and know that there must be a peak somewhere on the horizon.
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”—F. Scott Fitzgerald (via thatkindofwoman)
Seven Days: You’ve described the process of developing the dances Balanchine created for you as “whipping up this dust, and after hours and days, it becomes a ballet.” Were you aware, in those moments, that you were making history?
Suzanne Farrell: Choreography is not born as choreography; it grows out of a suggestion and then it gets shaped into choreography. Rarely would he say, “That’s not what I wanted.” Our collaboration was very special and filled with trust. He would put the ball in my court and allow me to run with it. Sometimes he would have a mistake become part of the choreography — not that every mistake can be put to music and become beautiful, but he made us see life differently.